And then he was a big boy

I cried all the way home from  dropping Cruz at his dads on Saturday.

Usually, when I drop Cruz off, he is hesitant to leave me. He doesn't want to get out of my arms, he cries, its hard on everyone. 

Not on Saturday.

He was so excited to go with his Papa. It was his first time going for 8 hours. He didnt even want to nurse before he left or anything. He couldn't get to his Papa fast enough.

So I did all I could do. I let him go with a smile and kiss on top of his head.

And then I drove away.

My first reaction was devestation. I was so sad that my little boy didnt need me anymore. He didnt care about nursing. He didnt care about leaving Mama. He just wanted to go have big boy time with Papa. How did this happen? My little baby who cried when I left his last week is ecstatic to leave this week? No No No.

I cry, cry, cried.

When I got home I talked to my own Mama about it. She told me not to be sad and reminded me that this is what I have always wanted. For him to be happy to go with his Papa. For him to not get sad anymore. And she was right.

She told me that it was a sign of what a good job I am doing. That he is a well adjusted baby who knows that Mama loves him and will always come back for him. That its ok for him to go have fun with Papa and then come home to Mama after.

And she was right.

But it was my little brother who made the best point. He said that it was a sign of what a good job Papa is doing. And he was the most right.

I am doing a good job and Cruz is a very well adjusted baby. But mostly, Papa is doing an excellent job at learning how to meet Cruz's needs without me hovering over him. Yes, he does it different then I do, but obviously thats just fine by Cruz. He is doing a great job teaching Cruz that its good to go have fun with Papa. To have big boy time. And that when its all said and done, Cruz has two parents who love him very, very much.

So I ended the day feeling happy and relieved in knowing that I don't need to worry about my little one so much while he is gone. That I can take a deep breath and relax, knowing that my boy is having a good time. I ended with a big ol' sigh of relief... and only one little sad smile because no matter how happy and content my little boy is, letting go will always be hard.


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