101 things I wish I knew before I got married...

So, its no secret that Papa and I have had some serious bummer periods in our relationship . Fortunately we have been able to resurrect it several times, getting us to where we are now which is usually varying stages of content, intermittently we are extremely happy, and periodically the whole thing goes to shambles.

In an attempt to increase the somewhat dismal state of our affairs we are employing and exploring several different avenues.

First, I'm reading ALOT! I recently purchased a book called "101 things I wish I knew when I got married" which is basically 101 one-liners about establishing and maintaining a successful relationship. Its wonderfully formatted in a way that allows you to heed advice and guidance quickly and interpret it in a way that relates to your own experiences. I'm currently working with an excerpt that reads "what you judge in your partner is a reflection of what you judge in yourself." I find this to be very self evident in my life and I'm exploring the truths that unfold as I further my understanding.

Second, I'm attempting to secure a "date night" which I'm really excited about. Papa is much more on board with this idea vs. the book reading idea. Today he brought home a flyer for Salsa dancing classes!! My first reaction was "YIKES" as Papa far exceeds me in his dancing skills. But on further inspection I've concluded that its probably a fantastic idea. If nothing else everyone will get a good laugh at my expense.

Lastly, I'm writing. Since I'm never quite sure how candid to be on this blog, I'm keeping a personal journal -- Editors note: There was a smack-down at the Papa/Murphy residence pertaining to privacy issues aka "No, Papa you ABSOLUTELY CANNOT read my journal."

I find writing to be very healing...so I write. It clears my head and organizes my thoughts so that we can have more productive conversations and less mind-boggling-all-out-screaming-tirades reminiscent of WWI.

So does anyone have any "I wish I knew this before I got married" advice? Or date ideas? Shoot them my way!

1 comment:

  1. I'm in no way commenting on your relationship with Papa. But here's my "I wish I knew" advice: I was in a relationship with THE WRONG guy for 5 years. I have self-esteem issues (doesn't everyone?) and this guy only made them worse. He belittled things I cared about, he wouldn't do things that were super important to me because they were "inconvenient", he wouldn't stick up for me (when by all means he should have), he made jokes at my expense, he made me feel like nothing I did was ever good enough. I moved away to finish my education, knowing that being so far away would either make or break our relationship. I broke up with him 2 weeks later. A month later I met the Big Bee- Mr. Right in every imaginable way.

    It's not all perfect, but I can tell the Big Bee when I'm feeling down and tell him the truth about why. Nothing that matters to me is every stupid, nothing I want to do is ever dumb. He takes me seriously, he considers my opinion, he tells me I'm beautiful, he let's me help him and he helps me, he admits that it literally takes him 3 times as long to do the dishes but he'll do them without a complaint if I say I don't want to do them today, he shares my values, it's me & him against the world (that's to say that we stand together. We don't do something important without asking the other, we don't say mean things to hurt each other's feelings).

    I think people can make relationships work. But in my case, we're not MAKING this work- it DOES work.

    So what I wish I had known earlier in life (except that my past got me where I am today, and I love where I am...so maybe 'advice I'd share from what I've learned' is more appropriate):
    What matters to you should matter to your partner, even if only because it matters to you
    Your partner should never ever hurt your self-esteem or make you feel dumb
    You should share a similar sense of humor & work ethic
    You should make each other happy

    I know you made this post a while ago, but I just read it for the first time. I hope this helps, even if only to know you have another reader.