The funding recently came through for me to go back to school.
And I'm really excited.
But, mostly, I'm really scared. And I'm not even sure why. I think I am worried about not being able to do it all. That I wont be able to go to school and still be a good, interactive, attentive mom to Cruz.
I get overwhelmed really, really easily. Really. Easily.
I know that Cruz will always be my number one priority, always. But I dont want to fail at school either. I really want to go to school and get a degree. I want to take be an active part in the financial well being of my son. I have always been, more or less, solely in charge of his physical and emotional well being. And now it feels super important to me to be able to support him financially, all by myself, just incase that ever happens to be the case again; that I'm all by myself...again. I owe that to myself and my son. But, it still scares me.
I've managed to find most of my classes online, so the most I will have to leave him (with my mom) would be 4 hours a week. Thats not the part that worries me. Not at all. Cruz loves to have his Nanny all to himself sometimes. The part that I am afraid of is spreading myself too thin. Can I be a full time student and a full time mom? Is there enough time in the day for both? Is there enough of me to go around?
I guess I'll never know until I try, right? ... Right?