Mothering Style

I read about Meyers-Briggs mothering style test and I was very interested.

I have to say I was a little bit surprised by the results. Some of it was spot on, but some of it I wasn't so sure of.

First off, when I took the test here: I got the result INFP which is Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling, Perceiving.

INFP (Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling, Perceiving)

The 'Tuned In' Mother

"Inside our children, I believe, is a truth that tells them what's best for them. I am always listening for that truth."
Aware, astute, and understanding, the INFP mother is sensitive to her child's needs, feelings, and perceptions. By observing and listening to the cues of the whole child, she is "tuned in" and naturally develops an intuitive feel for what he or she needs. Responsive and helpful as well, she tends patiently to those needs as they arise.
The INFP mother is comfortable letting her children follow their own course of development and make their own choices. She offers encouragement and uses her insights to head off trouble and difficult issues.
The INFP mother takes vicarious pleasure giving her children good experiences and watching them enjoy childhood. She's happiest creating pleasant, memorable times for the whole family.
To read the full explanation of an INFP mother click here

But when I took the test here I got ISFP which is Introverted, Sensing, Feeling, Perceiving.

ISFP (Introverted, Sensing, Feeling, Perceiving)

The 'Giving' Mother

"A people pleaser from Day One, it took me 30 years to figure out I could say 'no.'"
Quiet and unassuming in her devotion, the ISFP mother is responsive to her children's needs, offering behind-the-scenes love and support. She is gentle and non-intrusive, flexible and adaptable.
A "be there" mother, the ISFP takes pleasure in physically caring for her children and doing for them. Her best times might be "doing little things" with each child one-on-one.
More than anything, the ISFP mother wants her children to know they are loved. And she enjoys being needed in return.
Dedicated to raising children who are responsible and care for others, she favors a non-directive approach: instilling values by setting a good example. She may be a strong role model for community service.
To read the full explanation of an ISFP mother, click here.

I think that I am a combination of the two.

For starters, I have never been a people pleaser. In any sense of the word. Other peoples opinions of me have never hugely mattered to me. If I dont agree with something or someone, I tend to be a "take it or leave it" kind of person. I have never been overly concerned with making sure that someone likes me or sees things my way. So that was definitely out.

And I dont really have a problem standing up for myself either. If I feel I am being mistreated, I'm not usually intimidated or afraid to voice it.

On the flip side, I have a SUPER hard time saying "No" to Cruz about ANYTHING. Its really hard for me to draw the line with him. Generally, if he wants something, I will give it to him. Up to this point, his happiness has been more important to me then anything else. But as he starts getting older, there have been some places that I've had to lay down the law. Like if something is dangerous or harmful. And especially now that I am working to get him on a schedule. I have a really tough time with schedules and up to this point, everything has sort of been navigated by how Cruz is feeling or what works best for him. But since I am no longer in control of his whole like (seeing as he is spending increasing amounts of time with Papa) I have to accept that there are some places where I am going to have to adapt to the way things are at his Dads, even if I dont whole heatedly agree, because its important for there to be consistency to his life. If he is allowed to act or do things at one house and not at another then there will always be a discrepency and confusion for him. And thats just not conducive to a happy childhood. Since Papa and I vary so much on our parenting styles, its been important for me to learn to adapt and "meet in the middle" on some things. Even though Papa and I dont discuss the details on how we parent or raise Cruz in our separate households, I make the decision in myself to try and fill the void in our parenting choices in order to get things on a more even playing field for Cruz. There are some big things that I will just never compromise on, but there are lots of little things that its just easier to adapt to. I do loose some battles, but I win the war if winning means that Cruz is happy and healthy and continues to be that way into adulthood.

And both test results were right in that I tend to be pretty introverted. I prefer to be in smaller groups of people that I know well vs large groups of people. I get uncomfortable if I go somewhere and I dontok. I can show up on my own time and leave on my own time. Whereas structured play times make me anxious. I am part of a mothers club that I absolutely love, but I miss out on a lot of stuff if it doesnt coincide perfectly with Cruz's schedule for the day. I can easily talk myself out of going to playdates if I think about all that goes into getting Cruz ready and out the door, keeping him occupied in the car so he doesnt freak out (b/c he still HATES the car) dealing with trying to maintain an adult conversation while trying to make sure all Cruzs needs are being met and that he is getting an adequate amount of my attention.

Cruz, to date, hasnt been a huge mingler. He usually prefers to sit quietly in my lap or play right at my feet during playgroups, so i often think he would just prefer to stay home with me. But recently he has started to get more and more outgoing which I think is due, in large part, to his Papa. Cruz has a bunch of cousins on his Dads side including one that lives with his Dad and two that are even younger then him. Plus Papa's new girlfriend has a baby that is just about Cruz's age, so I think that having all those other kids around all the time helps him to come out of his shell a little. And I am super thankful for that. Since Cruz wont be having any siblings anytime soon (at least not on my side, and I will remain his primary caregiver for a while to come) I think its so important to foster that relationship between him and his cousins. I loved growing up really close to my family, my siblings and my cousins. To this day they are my best friend. And I love that he has his cousins to grow up with and I will make sure to do everything I can to instill that sense of family in him as he grows. Even if it means I have to drive a little extra so that he can go to school with his cousins, or reach out to people that I usually wouldn't so that he can have his cousins over to our house, I would be happy to have those little inconveniences for myself if it meant making things better for Cruz.

It was interesting and fun to see someone elses take on my parenting style and be able to reflect on it and take away from it what I choose to. I encourage everyone to take it and see if it coincides with the way that you see yourself or if it helps you to see parts of yourself in a new light. Leave me a comment and let me know how it goes!

No comments:

Post a Comment