I hate them.
I hate making decisions.
I might possibly be the worst decision maker in the whole entire world.
Sometimes just the thought of having to make a decision keeps me from doing anything at all.
For example, if I need to go to the store really badly, but its the same time as a playgroup, I will contemplate and debate in my head. I go back and forth and forth and back until I just give up and don't do either.
So today, Papa text me when I am on my way to drop off Cruz and says that he wont be off until a little later and that his mom would be waiting for me and she would hang out with Cruz until he got off.
Totally NOT part of our custody agreement.
So I'm faced with the daunting task of either A) just dropping Cruz off with his Nana. But his seperation anxiety is SO bad. He cries when I leave him with his dad, what is going to happen if I have to leave him with someone else. Or B) say no and just wait for Papa to get off work.
I knew that I wanted to choose B, but was it worth the argument? Did I want to have to get into with his dad?
So my train of thought goes something like this...
-O.K I'm just gonna say no. Our custody agreement is between him and I, not him, I and his mother.
-Seriously, Cassie, its not that big of a deal. Just drop him off, he'll be fine
-No way Jose
-Don't even ask me again
-No, my mind is made up, I'm not thinking about it anymore.
10 minutes later
-Wait, what was my decision (I do this all the time. I make the decision, but I went back and forth so many times that I forget what I decided on)
-Alright, I'm just gonna try to stall
-I dont know what to do.
By the time I get there I still havent made a decision. Obviously.
So then I just tell myself that I'm going to get there and see how I feel and see how Cruz does.
And then I never EVER feel comfortable with the decision I made because I didnt actually make a decision.
And then I spend the rest of the night mad at myself. And its so irritating because I still have to hang out with myself. Sometimes I wish I could just ditch myself for a little while. Like that one friend you have that is mildly annoying that you just want to dodge for a couple days. Sometimes I'm that friend. But you totally cannot ditch yourself. Dilemma.