I have court ordered mediation with Papa at the end of the week.

I'm so so so nervous.

I've tried very hard to make sure that I don't let any of my legal "situations" slip into my writing. But it's really hard to have such a HUGE part of my life taking place and not being able to write about it.

All I can say is that Cruz has never spent more than 4 hours away from me in his ENTIRE life. Never, ever, ever.

I'm so scared that this is going to change. DRASTICALLY.

I'm scared for myself. But more than anything, I'm scared for Cruz.

We sleep in the same bed.
We nurse whenever we want.
He's never been left with a stranger.
He's never been left with anyone.
We do everything together.

If he has to be with his Papa 50% of the time, how will this be for him?

How will this change him?

Will he start to become a different little boy?

Will he be afraid without me?

I've never been more scared.

Or helpless...


  1. Hi! Stopping by from MBC. Great blog.
    Have a nice day!

  2. Thinking good thoughts for you during mediation! I can't imagine how scary that would be, hopefully your have a sympathetic mediator.

  3. Cassie,
    I'm so sorry that you and Cruz are going through this. I can't stand to be away from my daughter for more than 2 hours, then I physically ache for her. I can only imagine what this feels like for you. You'll be in my thoughts. Big hugs to you! You have my email if you need to vent.

  4. I just stumbled upon your blog, I love your honesty. I am really sorry that you are going through this. You will be in my prayers.