3.21.2011

Questions?

I recently had a "discussion" with Papa about why Cruz isn't walking yet. He is 13 months and he will toddle for about 10-12 steps and then fall down. He doesnt stand up on his own without pulling up on things. I am not bugged by it. He is totally mobile, crawls super duper fast and has no problem getting from point A to point B.  Papa feels differently.

He thinks, and I quote, "they say breastfed babies are usually delayed cuz they rely on their mom instead of being independant." And "If he lived with me would be walking and talking."

I am nothing if not worried about the toll that our lifestyle takes on Cruz. Is he stunted by his attachment to me? Is he delayed because of the consistent emotional distress of having to leave me so often? Lately he has reverted back to being DEVASTED everytime I leave him with Papa again. Does that kind of stress take a toll on him and his development?

I dont know how Cruz is when he is with his Papa, but I have always felt like he is different with his Papa then he is with me. And Papa has expressed the same observation... That cant be healthy can it? For an infant to act differently depending on which parent he is with?

I reiterate the fact that I think Papa is a great dad, but I worry if, collectively, we are causing harmful effects to our son due to the nature of our relationship and the extreme opposing lifestyles we live.

Have any of you heard of breastfed babies being delayed?

12 comments:

  1. melissaMarch 21, 2011 at 6:33 AM

    I have never heard that breastfed babies tend to be delayed, and frankly I think that's absolutely ridiculous. From everything I read here, I think you are an incredible mama to Cruz and by means do you coddle him. I can't say what's normal for a child who lives between two households, since I don't have experience there, but the idea that your parenting style is causing Cruz to be delayed is downright silly.

    My daughter is just weeks younger than Cruz and I breastfeed on demand, including a minimum of two or three times during the night on most nights. She sleeps with my husband and me every night, and has since birth. She has been walking since before she was nine months old. Every child is different, and reaches these milestones in their own time - oftentimes having a secure attachment like Cruz does with you is the best way for children to build the confidence necessary to venture out into the world, try new things, and acquire new skills.

    Anyway, sorry for the rant! My point: you're a fabulous mama, and Cruz is not delayed! :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. echomystMarch 21, 2011 at 8:30 AM

    As you know, T's breastfed (not a single drop of formula) and she started walking at 9.5 months... you've witnessed her Mad Toddling Skillz yourself :-) Her first words were "kitty cat", spoken before 8 months. "Delayed"? I don't think so...

    I think it's perfectly normal for a child, or anyone really, to act a bit differently towards each person. As long as it's not like Jekyll and Hyde. T practically runs up to other kids, smiles, and says "hi"... but will hide behind me around many adults.

    Anyway, Cruz is one smart kid so don't let what Papa said get you down. Breastfed babies are not "delayed". Research shows the opposite -- human milk is supposed to boost IQ... but I wouldn't think too much of that either since there are so many other factors that can contribute to a well-rounded, happy, intelligent child.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Bevin @ allisbright.comMarch 21, 2011 at 4:21 PM

    I have actually heard the opposite, that breastfed babies develop faster because they have a better sense of security. Every baby is different, and unless his doctor is concerned then you shouldn't worry. I always have a hard time not comparing my two to each when they do things at different paces, so I know its hard.

    ReplyDelete
  4. NakiaMarch 22, 2011 at 11:44 AM

    I've never heard of breastfed babies being delayed.

    Each child is different. Some walk at 8 months, some walk at 12 months, and some don't walk until 14 months.

    Don't worry! It seems that you are an awesome mama and Cruz is a very lucky little boy.

    ReplyDelete
  5. GretaMarch 22, 2011 at 2:27 PM

    Here's an example with 2 kids; same family; living with both mom and dad...

    Son #1: Walking at 10 months
    Son #2: Walking at 14 months

    Both bf until 13 months old.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Lil Muse LilyMarch 23, 2011 at 5:10 AM

    it could be psychological but i feel like it's more physical. maybe his legs are not strong enough yet to walk. get him a push cart, that will help and motivate him.
    Lily acts differently with both me and Will. and we are together. different relationships will make you act differently.
    i wouldn't worry too much either way, they all do things at their own pace.

    ReplyDelete
  7. UnknownMarch 23, 2011 at 6:26 AM

    Don't listen to a word of the crap he is giving you mama. Cruz is perfect and will walk when he is totally ready. Jason and I live together and Reilly still acts one way with me and completely different with him. So don't stress it for a second.

    His devastation when you leave is a good sign, it means he is attached and he is going through a completely normal phase of "stranger anxiety" at being left with his non-preferred parent or anyone else. It's a way of him asserting his feelings and independence into the situation. Reilly did the same thing at around 9 months and then again around 13 months. They are growing and learning and change is hard. Don't beat yourself up!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Randalin @ Harvesting KaleMarch 23, 2011 at 12:34 PM

    Everyone that has commented has made some really good points. I just wanted to echo what Stephanie said about babies acting differently with different parents, regardless of whether they live together or not. Kris is the stay-at-home parent right now so him and Kale spend more time together. Nevertheless, Kale has a total breakdown every time I leave in the morning. You'd think I was leaving him with a complete stranger. Thankfully the breakdown lasts about 0.5 seconds. Seperation anxiety is a normal part of development - don't stress.

    ReplyDelete
  9. ElleMarch 23, 2011 at 11:41 PM

    I wouldn't worry. My little girl would toddle around for several months but didn't start full on walking until she was 14 months. She also acts differently with my hubby and I. She likes to play with certain toys and eat certain foods when I'm around but during the weekend when my hubby is home from work, she'll do a 180. Some of the food she likes during the week, she'll refuse and the same goes for her toys and schedule.

    ReplyDelete
  10. ElleMarch 23, 2011 at 11:50 PM

    Whoopsie! Also meant to say that I've never heard of any delays in breastfed babies. Our little ones just develop at different speeds. They start doing things when it's right for them. My daughter hasn't been much of a talker (but we knew that she could understand us and follow simple directions) and I had so much worry and sleepness nights over it. She'll be 2 next month and a few months ago it seemed like a flip switched and she just started talking. Being able to understand exactly what she's saying is another story. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  11. AnonymousMarch 28, 2011 at 6:02 PM

    Everyone else has already said it - but NO(!!!), there is no connection between breastfed babies and developmental delays - nor is Cruz delayed. It's perfectly normal for him to not be walking or talking yet. According to our pediatrician, its normal for them tom walk anytime between 8 and 16 months. That's a BIG gap. We mamas worry about everything - but I think you're ok on this one.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Natalia LynnMarch 30, 2011 at 3:37 AM

    I know this is a tad delayed, but I just found your blog and saw this and thought I would leave a note. He IS NOT abnormal at all! It is totally normal for some babies to not walk until they are 15 months and some super early. And as far as acting different between you and his dad, it could have an effect on him, but you sound like an excellent mom with lots of love and you say his dad is good, that is what he needs! Just to feel loved. And my kids act different between me and their dad and we are married. So that might be normal too. I am sure Cruz is perfect, I wouldnt worry about a thing! Sorry but 'butting in' but it is good for mom's to be encouraged! It's a tough job!

    ReplyDelete

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)