I hate them.
I hate making decisions.
I might possibly be the worst decision maker in the whole entire world.
Sometimes just the thought of having to make a decision keeps me from doing anything at all.
For example, if I need to go to the store really badly, but its the same time as a playgroup, I will contemplate and debate in my head. I go back and forth and forth and back until I just give up and don't do either.
Its bad.
So today, Papa text me when I am on my way to drop off Cruz and says that he wont be off until a little later and that his mom would be waiting for me and she would hang out with Cruz until he got off.
Totally NOT part of our custody agreement.
So I'm faced with the daunting task of either A) just dropping Cruz off with his Nana. But his seperation anxiety is SO bad. He cries when I leave him with his dad, what is going to happen if I have to leave him with someone else. Or B) say no and just wait for Papa to get off work.
I knew that I wanted to choose B, but was it worth the argument? Did I want to have to get into with his dad?
So my train of thought goes something like this...
-UGHHHH
-O.K I'm just gonna say no. Our custody agreement is between him and I, not him, I and his mother.
-Seriously, Cassie, its not that big of a deal. Just drop him off, he'll be fine
-No
-Yes
-No
-No
-Yes
-Nope
-No way Jose
-Don't even ask me again
-Yes
-No, my mind is made up, I'm not thinking about it anymore.
10 minutes later
-Wait, what was my decision (I do this all the time. I make the decision, but I went back and forth so many times that I forget what I decided on)
-Shit
-Alright, I'm just gonna try to stall
-....
-I dont know what to do.
By the time I get there I still havent made a decision. Obviously.
So then I just tell myself that I'm going to get there and see how I feel and see how Cruz does.
And then I never EVER feel comfortable with the decision I made because I didnt actually make a decision.
And then I spend the rest of the night mad at myself. And its so irritating because I still have to hang out with myself. Sometimes I wish I could just ditch myself for a little while. Like that one friend you have that is mildly annoying that you just want to dodge for a couple days. Sometimes I'm that friend. But you totally cannot ditch yourself. Dilemma.
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This sound like me and my husband. We hate making decisions. For example, we have been waiting for the last twenty minutes for our two year old to decide what we are going to have for dinner because neither of us can decide. unfortunately, he is just as indecisive as his parents.
ReplyDeleteHi Cassie, my name is Trish and I came across your site just a few days ago. But let me say ~ I'm a big fan. You are hysterical! I read some of your old posts and I was dying and quite honestly you and I share so many things..i.e. saggy boobs! (When I read your last post "basically just loose skin pooling at the bottom of bra' ~ I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY ONE! I called my husband over and started telling him LOOK shes talking about my boobs! And hes like “Ahem..see the dad disclaimer..she’s right..I don’t wanna know this! Like I know they get saggy after breastfeeding but whoa no one warned me about this. My sister nursed her son til he was 19 months old, this was years ago, I was only 16 then and I thought she was crazy and disturbed. She tried everything but he gave her a very hard time in quitting the boob. Her boobs got so bad after her second baby that she ended up getting implants. Well fast forward and here I am 31 with my first child, he's 17 months old and STILL NURSING! Basically just to go to sleep, but add the fact that he co-sleeps (the pic of Cruz in his crib in an old post with the desc. That he doesn’t sleep in it yet..same here. My son’s $400 crib sits packed fill of toys that don’t fit anywhere else in our tiny studio apt. We gave up putting him in the crib. He played in it sometimes for like 15 mins. But mostly it made him scream bloody murder. ) and ends up nursing all night...IM FRICKING EXHAUSTED and my boobs are literally your description..loose skin pooling. Sigh. I would have pumped my milk and put it in a bottle had I known what I was getting myself into! Now I just read your post about your inability to make a decision..OMG have we met? My husband laughs at me at how I will have a panic attack quicker than I will actually make a decision, he ends up having to make it for me in the long run anyway. The poor guy has to pick out foundation color for me at the store, cause I always get the wrong one. I stand there holding several bottles going back and forth. Sweat starts pouring, I'll put them back quicker than choose one and buy. I literally feel scared to make the WRONG one so I make none at all. Its safer sometimes. Im a loser.
ReplyDeleteSorry this is so long, I just wanted to tell you to keep up the good work. Your blog is great, your baby is adorable, you are beautiful. Your crafts are awesome. I love crafts, but have no ability to finish strong. My sister is the Martha Stewart. But I still try. I want to try your homemade finger paints, my son loves his bath crayons so when I saw Cruz in the tub loving his paints, I was inspired. I love your fingerless mittens, they came out real cute. Your preference for grey, black ..you’ve seen my closet apparently. I’m not sure the status of Papa in your life, but you’re doing great on your own. Cruz is a lucky little guy to have such a good mama!
(you writing the check with your boob out
Bevin- I'm so glad to hear I'm not the only one. Our poor babies, their already reflecting our indecisiveness.
ReplyDeleteTrish-Thank you so much for your comment. I love love love knowing that people can relate to what I write. I love even more that you enjoy my blog. Thanks mama!
Oh dear, something like this happened to me today. I wanted to go to a store before heading to a play date and I couldn't decide if I should go to the store near my house of the store near the playdate host's house. I kept going back and forth as I drive (in the rain!) which resulted to me taking the longer route (while making a decision), only to decide that i will go to the one near my house. UGH! The result? 30 minutes late to our play date. haha.
ReplyDelete